Today
by qkrwngh13
Summary: I'm an idiot


It was four in the afternoon. The boy sat anxious waiting for someone. He could feel his heart rate increasing rapidly, and he noticed that the annoying source of tapping seemed to originate from his feet. He had been dreading this moment. Although he had been texting her almost daily for the previous month, he could not stop imagining the worst possibilities. He checked his phone. Four o' five. A recognizable face entered through the glass doors of Starbucks.

It had been an odd relationship. He was first introduced to her as his friend's girlfriend. She had seemed nice enough. Nothing special. A bit on the pretty side. He never saw her again until they had coincidentally attended the same seminar. It had been months since their prior meeting. He had heard rumors of their breakup. The drama that had transpired them. News travelled fast in the small town of Edmonton. He heard about the commotions that his friend had caused. His friend had chased her, stalked her, even threatened her because of their breakup. From what had reached his ears, it had seemed that his friend had done some unforgivable things to her and deserved what had struck him.

In his second meeting with her, through some strings pulled by fate, he had landed in the same group as her in a project that was due. Being in the same group meant extracurricular meetings, coffees, and texts.

She was not the most charismatic person, neither was she a goddess embodied as a human. But she was nice. She was tentative and empathetic. She laughed at his jokes and shared her stories with him. Time went on, and by having mutual friends their relationship was not cut short. They had frequent meetings with their friends, and before he could realize he began to like this girl. Everything about her had suddenly turned into something beautiful. Her smiles and her eyes. Her incredible eyes that shone and smiled at him like the most precious jewel in the world. Her fragrance had become his drug, for he could do naught but close his eyes and smile when her scent reached him. Soon the two were in contact from sunrise to midnight. His attention was always on his phone. They were caught in the middle of a somewhat awkward relationship. They had mutual interest in one another, but the boy was afraid. He had fears of rejection. He valued their current relationship, and did not want to risk advancing their relationship until he was sure of her feelings.

Months past, and yet the relationship held steadfast. They were not engaged in a proper relationship, yet they enjoyed each the company of each other. Every night the boy pondered and struggled to hold his heart together. He would ask her out properly tomorrow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. The day after. The day after.

It was nearing the end of the school year, and as a senior, the boy had applied to university. He started fearing for the relationship between the girl and himself. He had to do it soon. He would go for it.

It was late at night, or perhaps early in the morning. I left her a message indicating that I had things to discuss with her. The very next day we met and I let out everything I had pent up inside of me.

The result was not as expected. She replied that she needed time to thoroughly think about entering a relationship, because for her, it was more than just a high school romance. Neither was it for me. I thought day and night, as hard as my little brain could handle about every possibility and every turn that this relationship could have. It was my first, and I had desperately wanted it to be a lasting one.

I waited two weeks. I started to have doubts. Maybe she was just toying with me. Maybe she just did not share in my affection for her. We met up again. We talked. I waited. I waited and waited that hour. Each second felt like it had been stretched. Stretched so long that its ends circled the earth several times. My heart was frantic. I needed answers and I needed them now. She then proceeded to tell me that she would tell me her answer when she was on the bus going home. I almost threw my chair. The nerve she had, asking me to wait even a split second longer. But I had patience. I waited and waited. The answer came in doubting and uncertain tones, but I had done it. I had won the girl that I had started to see frequently in my dreams and dreamt of in class. She had given me warnings though. We were not able to meet frequently due to our busy schedules. The most I could hope for was perhaps twice a week, surely at least once.

I had agreed to the terms. I would not be able to see her as much as I had wanted to. But that would be okay because I planned this as a long term relationship. My heart disagreed with the notion of seldomly seeing her. It started to affect my mind as well. After attending one study date in a month, I had again started to become frustrated and pent up in the relationship. This was ridiculous. How was I expected to live barely seeing her. She must have placed the relationship in the last of her priorities. She doesn't care about the relationship. Who am I kidding?

My attitude towards her changed. I was being a jerk. A fucking douchebag. I continued this for a week until she called me out on it. She asked me the reason I was acting this way. She thought it unfair for me to discuss things with her even though we agreed on a relationship in which we talked things out. I realized that I was acting illogically. She was right. So I told her. I told her how I felt. How I felt that she did not care about this relationship.

I recognized that I was being unreasonable. We had already discussed the terms of the relationship, and I was not respecting the circumstances. We talked. Again.

I thought it would be a joyride from then on. A smooth sailing ship. I couldn't have been more wrong.

One day her attitude shifted. I was completely mistaken when I thought that everything was going to be good now. I had no ideas for her transition. I could not think of what mistake I had made now. I kept silent about it, hoping that she would address it, or that it would turn out i was being sensitive. I waited and waited. Two more weeks past, and deciding that I needed to know what was going on inside her head I asked. I asked her why she was acting this way. I needed to know. She told me that she could not tell me over the text or the phone and that she needed to meet me in person. But of course, thanks to our busy schedules we were unable to attend to that for 3 more laborious weeks. He suffered as did she. He wished to tear his heart out in frustration. Why was he receiving this treatment from her for something he did not know about? Why was his relationship filled with nothing but errors and mistakes. Countless days of worrying and suffocating in his own mind.

Three long horrendous weeks past. And he and she met. At starbucks. On Tuesday at 4 pm. He greeted her as he feared what was to come. His hands grasped each other tightly as lovers, and he sat motioning her to sit as well. After a brief hesitation she began to speak.

From the beginning she had wanted to keep the relationship as inconspicuous and secretive as possible, for personal reasons. He had no problem understanding that. He would keep her wishes. Except that there was a tiny little problem. He had been confiding in a close friend of his about all the details and information about his relationship prior to dating her. He could not just suddenly cut out on the status of his relationship. So he told his friend. He told his friend that he wanted to keep the relationship quiet, implying that she should not tell anyone. He told her his worries and problems. All unsolved questions and concerns he had. He told her. And she had not kept quiet. She had told her friends about the relationships and the problems that existed within. And she exaggerated the issues. She made the boy's girlfriend sound like she was toying with him. Just like playing a game. The boy's girlfriend had realized that he had confided in a friend who told others of their story. And she was hurt. She was being asked why she was just toying with the boy. Why she was poking at his fragile heart. And her own heart was destroyed. It was crushed beyond repair. She was hurt that he would break his promise with her, and that she would have to hear from others false rumors of how she was treating him. She could not bear it anymore. She felt that they were not ready for a relationship. She told him that this couldn't continue anymore.

I felt heartbroken. Words refused to escape my throat. My head spun ideas of somehow grasping onto the relationship. I was devastated, yet I knew I had caused it. In his inexperience and immaturity, the boy had failed to maintain a relationship with the one he fell in love with. He had no one to blame but himself, for he had lead the problems right into his lap.

She left.

Sitting in silence, I stared at the blank wall. I stayed unmoving and continued to stare. This was not how he had hoped the meeting would turn out. But he could not complain, for he had brought this disaster himself.

He went home. He showered. He slept. Then he woke up and wrote his english portfolio.


End file.
